DIET DROPOUT HUMOR

OH NO, NOT YOU AGAIN! (regrigerator magnet)

DIET DROPOUT JOKES GALORE AND MORE!!!

FUNNY DIET DROPOUT JOKES AND FUNNY DIET ZINGERS:

WELCOME TO THE WORLD’S FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION

FUNNY DIET DROPOUT HUMOR (aka ANTI-DIET HUMOR) This page is full of HEAVY HUMOR, so sit back and laugh off some calories. PEARLS AMONG THE PERILS OF OVEREATING:

I THOUGHT TUNA WAS SOMETHING TO HOLD THE MAYONAISE TOGETHER.MILK DOES THE BODY GOOD, BUT DANG!!! HOW MANY GALLONS DID YOUR DRINK? --Dan Worona

I CAN SPEAK 7 LANGUAGES
(QUICHE, LASAGNA, CHOCOLATE, ENCHILADA, SUSHI, CHOW MEIN, and MOUSSAKA)

SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT CHOCOLATE MAKES ONE WEAK.

CARROT-EATERS ANONYMOUS DISBANDED
(No one eats too many carrots)

I HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM.
(I CAN'T WAIT TO EAT!!!)

THERE'S NO CHOCOLATE IN HELL
THAT'S WHY IT'S HELL.

The fat lady PUNTIFICATED, "I diet religiously... I PREY on SUNDAES."

-Woriginal original by Daniel "WOR" Worona

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!! Don't be a FATHEAD!!!)

HARD WORK HAS A FUTURE PAYOFF.
LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BOYFRIEND AND A HUSBAND? --ABOUT 30 POUNDS.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE FAMISHED DIETER WHO WAS A VORACIOUS READER?
SHE DEVOURED HER DIET BOOK IN ONE SITTING.
--Dan Worona

MONDAY + SUNDAE = FUNDAY --Daniel Worona

I AM ALREADY FOUR YEARS AHEAD ON MY DAILY FAT ALLOWANCE. I'M LOOKING FOR SKINNY PEOPLE TO SEE IF I CAN BORROW THEIRS.

GLUTTON: ONE WHO DIGS HIS GRAVE WITH HIS TEETH.

STEP AEROBICS: On, off, on, off, on, off, on, off.
TALK ABOUT GOING NOWHERE FAST.

WHY ARE MARRIED WOMEN HEAVIER THAN SINGLE WOMEN?
A:SINGLE WOMEN COME HOME, SEE WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE AND GO TO BED. MARRIED WOMEN COME HOME, SEE WHAT'S IN THE BED AND GO TO THE REFRIGERATOR.

I HAVE THE BODY OF A GOD
...BUDDHA

BEWARE OF THE FULL MOON!!!: PEOPLE DO SUICIDAL THINGS WHEN THERE IS A FULL MOON, LIKE START DIETS.
--A Daniel Woriginal

I do have GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT!!! I work in a doughnut shop, and I've gained forty pounds.
--Daniel Worona "Rara Avis."

SOME DO RICHARD SIMMONS, SOME DO JANE FONDA, I DO SARA LEE.

THOINK THIN! THOINK THIN!

SOME NEWBIE FOOD PUNS:

Q: What do you call an avocado that's been blessed by the pope?

A: Holy Guacamole.

A TASTY PUN:

Q: What do you call friends you meet at culinary school?

A: Taste buds!

HAWAII FOOD PUN:

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.

I think I should have cooked it on aloha temperature.

This is a sample of high calorie diet dropout humor from a collection of thousands and thousands of DIET HUMOR sayings, a 65-year plus collection compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis" (Rare Bird).

My diet humor site is not meant to put anyone down. I hope to make people laugh and to inspire everyone to live a healthy lifestyle.

Daniel L. Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!!

LOVE YOUR BODY THROUGH THICK AND THIN.

Friendly advice from yours truly: Be healthy and keep your weight down, because:

OBESITY IS A BAD WEIGH TO GO.

Woriginal original quote by Daniel L. Worona

MORE DIET DROPOUT HUMOR
AND BELLY LAUGHS AHEAD. (Please continue.)

Please tell your friends about my diet humor site: danworona.50megs.com Your reward??? Someday you will enjoy my 65-year plus collection of thousands and thousands of (and growing bigger and fatter everyday) DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, DIET PUNS, DIET RIDDLES, DIET LIMERICKS, OBESITY JOKES, FAT JOKES, DIET WORD PLAY and WEIGHT-LOSS JOKES.

Thank you. Gracias and HASTA LA PASTA

Diet specialist and diet humorist Dan Worona

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

1. YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. EAT ONLY RICH FOODS.

2. A BALANCED DIET IS A COOKIE IN EACH HAND.

3. I JUST ATE MY WILLPOWER.

4. BROKEN COOKIES ARE CALORIE-FREE BECAUSE ALL OF THE CALORIES HAVE ESCAPED.

5. CARROT CAKE COUNTS AS A SERVING OF VEGETABLES.

Please do not take any of this diet dropout humor personally. If you do, you need to LIGHTEN UP!
Continue on to enjoy Daniel Worona's world famous LAUGH IT OFF DIET and HA-HA DIET.
COPYRIGHT Daniel Worona. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

FUNNY DIET DROPOUT QUOTES:

1. BUTTER LOVERS QUOTE: "But why does butter have to be so evil?"
Quote by ex-butterball: Valerie Bertinelli

2. HEALTH FOOD JOKE & QUOTE: Health food may be good for the conscience, but Oreos taste a heck of a lot better. --Robert Redford

DIET HUMOR COMPILER & HUMORIST, DIET GURU AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA

Experience: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher. His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness.

He has "searched the world" for more than 65-years for diet humor, diet ditties, diet limericks, weight-loss humor, fat humor and diet slang. Daniel Worona has thousand's of original and unpublished diet humor sayings, diet cartoons, and diet word plays.

NO ONE CAN EVEN COME CLOSE TO DULICATING THIS NONESUCH DIET HUMOR COLLECTION.
This is the FATTEST and best diet humor collection in the world!!!

FUNNY TEMPTATION SAYING:

The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.

Compiled by Daniel "WOR" Worona "Rara Avis."

HERE'S A NEWBIE JOKE:

MAXINE JOKE:

Maxine on "Housework":

"I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."

DIET & FAT HUMOR / HUMOUR:

1. THE ONLY THING STOPPING ME FROM GOING TO THE GYM IS THE DOOR.

2. Battle cry for diet dropouts:
KEEP YOUR TUMMY HAPPY.

3. Old and fat lament: TOO MANY YEARS AND TOO MANY BEERS.

4. Negative attitude: NOBODY SAID LIFE IF FAIR.
Diet Dropout positive attitude: LIFE IS FARE! (Life is munch, munch, munch fare.)
--Daniel Worona

ARE YOU HUNGRY FOR MORE HILARIOUS DIET HUMOR? PLEASE CONTINUE.

5. Twinkies, I can't eat fewer than six in a sitting (or a standing).

6. I am a DEEP THINKER. I think about a deep-dish of ice cream. I think about a deep-dish pizza. --Dan Worona

7. SKINNY PEOPLE TICK ME OFF!!! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my car keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

8. I told the plump ladies (weigh-ward ladies) that they should see the error of their WEIGHS.
Miss Piggy sez: "I am the WEIGH I am, and I like the WEIGH I am."
"Yawn! She's such a boar." --Dan Worona

9. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

10. He's watching his weight...watching it go up.

11. Vanity plate: ICU812 (I see you ate one too.)

12. WEIGHT HAS A WEIGH OF SNACKING UP ON YOU.

13. DIETING IS WISHFUL SHRINKING.

14. EAT CHOCOLATE BEFORE EACH MEAL. IT WILL TAKE THE EDGE OFF YOUR APPETITE AND YOU WILL EAT LESS.

15. CALORIE COUNTERS HAVE THE FIGURES TO PROVE IT.

The above DIET DROPOUT humor in not meant to offend or put anyone down. If you find any of this humor "offensive"... you need to LIGHTEN UP!!! (Get it?)

A Woriginal original pun by Daniel Worona

WORD-OF-MOUTH: Please tell your friends about this DIET HUMOR site: danworona.50megs.com

A big thanky. Until we eat again, Dan Worona "Rara Avis"

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

AN EASY WAY TO REMEMBER MY DIET HUMOR SITE:

Daniel Worona works for the famous Mexican beer: CORONA (in the CONSUMER division!!!!) HA!HA!HA! HO! HO! HO! Please forgive me for laughing at my own joke.

My last name (WORONA) is spelled the same as CORONA (beer), except with a W instead of a C.
To find my site in the future, just do a search: WORONA + DIET HUMOR (I suggest you use Google or Yahoo or any major search engine.)

1. Eatus Barbecueus is just a fancy term for the virus Chowdownum.

2. Let's take a powder, Boston for chowder.

3. I'M REALLY A PERFECT SIZE 10. I JUST KEEP IT COVERED WITH FAT SO IT WON'T GET SCRATCHED.

4. PEOPLE WHO EAT SWEETS TAKE UP TWO SEATS.

5. I NEVER KNEW WHAT A POOR LOSER I WAS UNTIL I WENT ON A DIET.

6. THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE EDIBLE.

7. I'LL DO ANYTHING TO LOSE WEIGHT...
EXCEPT DIET AND EXERCISE.

8. BRAIN CELLS DIE AND ARE GONE FOREVER, BUT FAT CELLS LIVE ON FOREVER AND A DAY.

9. IF YOU GAIN FIVE POUNDS, IT'S WATER.
IF YOU LOSE FIVE POUNDS, IT'S FAT!!!

10. IF GOD HAD MEANT FOR US TO BE THIN, HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED CHOCOLATE.

11. I AM A BIG WOMAN AND I LOVE IT! IT TAKES A BIG BODY TO CONTAIN ALL THIS FABULOUSNESS.

12. DIET DROPOUT EXCUSE NUMBER 8,948: I ATE DESSERT BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN RUDE TO MAKE HIM EAT ALONE.

13. MY PROBLEM WITH DIET BOOKS IS THAT MOST OF THEM ARE WRITTEN BY WOMEN WITH THE BODY FAT OF A WHIPPET.

14. HE'S A DO-IT-YOURSELF MAN. HE MADE A BAY WINDOW WITH A KNIFE AND FORK.

MORE LAUGH-OUT-LOUD DIET DROPOUT HUMOR DOWN BELOW.
PLEASE CONTINUE.

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of the diet humor sayings, diet jokes, or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.

DID YOU KNOW THAT THE MAJORITY OF MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!!

I HAVE A "GOLDMINE" OF DIET HUMOR AND DIET JOKES, HOWEVER, THIS COLLECTION WILL REMAIN "BURIED" UNTIL IT IS PROPERLY PUBLISHED IN BOOK FORM.

CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A MAJOR PUBLISHER OR OFFER A SUGGESTION. IF SO, PLEASE E-MAIL ME.

Why do I need a publisher?: Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world. My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing.

A BIG THANKY, Daniel Worona

DIET DROPOUT QUOTE:

I BOUGHT ALL THOSE JANE FONDA VIDEOS. I LOVE TO SIT AND EAT COOKIES AND WATCH THEM.
--Dolly Parton

YOU MIGHT BE OVERWEIGHT IF...

1. The ticket lady at Seaworld tells you you're on in five minutes.

2. You have to have your jogging suit made at the Tent & Awning company.

3. You go to Jenny Craig and she just laughs.

4. You get on the end of a see-saw and launch your kid into outer-space.

5. Someone's ever asked you to autograph a picture of Shamu.

6. You've ever closed an all-you-can-eat buffet.

7. Your neighbours complain when you hang your underwear out to dry because they lose three hours of sunlight.
8. Your bathtub has stretch marks.

9. You have a flourishing career shooting "before" pictures for Jenny Craig.

10. They don't make Spandex in your size.

11. Your "goal" weight has more than three digits.

12. You use a comforter as a towel.

13. You refer to Baskin Robbins as "your favorite buffet."

14. You haven't seen your toes in over three years.

15.Your beeper goes off and someone says,"Look out! It's backing up!"

DIETS WE KNOW AND LOVE:

1. I AM ON A LOW-CARB DIET.
WHENEVER I FEEL LOW, I EAT CARBS.

2. THE ELVIS DIET "A KILER DIET": Eat anything and everything you like, and get really, really fat. Thank you very much.
Not recommended by the AMA, but who cares!

As described in the UK Sunday Times, 24th December, 1995, page 3, the article, revealed: "The Elvis Presley Killer Diet"

Elvis Presley's daily diet would fuel the normal man for a month.

The not-so-funny Elvis Presley Diet:

THE ELVIS DIET ("ELVIS THE PELVIS" KING OF ROCK & ROLL):

Breakfast (5 pm) - 5,000 calories
Six large eggs cooked in butter with extra salt, 1 lb of bacon, half a
pound of sausages, 12 buttermilk biscuits.

Dinner (10 pm) - umpteen calories (I can't count that high).
Two "Fool's Gold" sandwiches [a jar of peanut butter, a jar of
strawberry jam, one pound of crisp-fried bacon on a baguette x2.

Supper (4 am) - 5,000 calories
Five double-hamburgers and deep-fried peanut butter, mashed banana
sandwiches.

Misc. - other snacks as required between meals.As described in the UK Sunday Times, 24th December, 1995, page 3, the article, revealed: "The Elvis Presley Killer Diet"
Elvis Presley's daily diet would fuel the normal man for a month.

Misc. - other snacks as required between meals.

Thankyouverymuch.

ELVIS' NUMBER ONE BULIMIC & ANOREXIC SONG:

"ARE YOU HUNGRY TONIGHT?"

ELVIS' NUMBER ONE DIET SONG:

"LOVE ME SLENDER"

ELVIS HUMOR by Daniel L. Worona

FAT ELVIS JOKES:

Even the King of Rock n' Roll shoulda "et more better."

Sorry, most of my FAT ELVIS JOKES are buried in my private joke files.

Daniel “WOR” Worona

THINK SHRINK:

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a few months and it shrinks two sizes!

NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:

If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit. IT'S ONLY FAIR.

WARNING: If you steal Daniel Worona's DIET HUMOR material, you will be hexed with a BIG FAT CURSE!!!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH: I thank all the kind people out there in cyberspace who have been giving me credit when when they use material from this DIET HUMOR Web site.Daniel Worona "RareBird"

LEGAL NOTICE:

NOTE: Any material and/or DIET HUMOR you borrow from this Web site (danworona.50megs.com) may only be used for "NON-COMMERCIAL" purposes. Thank you very much, Daniel “WOR” Worona

THE NO DIET DIET:

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke four packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a quart or two of whiskey a day. I don't diet. I eat fatty foods. And I never, never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-eight."

MY APPETITE IS MY SHEPHERD

My appetite is my shepherd,
I always want.
It maketh me to sit down and stuff my self.
It leadeth me to the refrigerator repeatedly.
It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper.
It destroyeth my shape.
Yea, though I knoweth I gaineth,
I will not stop eating,
It tasteth so good.
The ice cream and cookies, they comfort me.
When the table is spread before me, it exciteth me,
For I knoweth that soon I shall dig in.
As I filleth my plate continuously, my clothes runneth smaller.
Surely bulges and excess weight shall follow me
All the days of my life,
And I shall be fat forever!

Size acceptance T-shirt: IF THIS WERE THE 1500s, I'D BE A GODDESS.

Fat Acceptance T-shirt: KNOW FAT CHICKS.

(Play on: NO FAT CHICKS!)

TUBBY OR NOT TUBBY, FAT IS THE QUESTION!

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE.
WHEN LIFE GAVE KIRSTIE ALLEY LEMONS, SHE MADE LEMON MERINGUE PIE.

Remember: DIETING IS NO PICNIC.
--Daniel L. Worona

A "diet dropout" humor book from the "Queen of Diet Dropouts":

The Onion Presents A Book of Jean's Own!: All New Wit, Wisdom, and Wackiness from The Onion's Beloved Humor Columnist

Jean Teasdale

The book includes "diet dropout humor", lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!), and recipes, :

"I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting!"

DIET DROPOUT WISDOM from Jean Teasdale:

I've heard of tummy tucks, but can they do arm, back, knee and neck tucks too?

DIET DROPOUT? She is a good example of a bad example!
Woriginal original Daniel Worona

Case in point: She has a mini-fridge and a microwave in her bedroom so she doesn't have to walk to the kitchen. Is that lazy, or what?

NOTE by Daniel Worona: She is a GOOD EXAMPLE of a BAD EXAMPLE!!!
(For more examples, read the book and you'll find out what I mean.)

DEMOTIVATIONAL DIET SAYINGS & QUOTES
(Often called: diet demotivators and anti-motivational diet sayings & quotes.)

1. Remember, you're not lazy...

You're motivationally challenged.

2. Life is like a box of chocolates... and I'm a diabetic.

3. You sound reasonable... time to up my medication.

MY FAVORITE ANIMAL:

The teacher asked a somewhat fleshy girl, "What is your favorite animal?"

The overweight girl replied with enthusiasm, "Fried chicken!"

Don't be a "good example of a bad example": eat light, eat right.

Daniel L. Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!!

You are enjoying Daniel L. Worona’s #1, world-famous “LAUGH IT OFF” DIET.
(Laugh off the pounds. It's a funny way to lose weight.)

COPYRIGHT by Daniel L. Worona

Dear Copycats:

The phrase “LAUGH IT OFF” existed long before I was born nearly 75 years ago, however, I (Daniel L. Worona) am the first one to use the phrase LAUGH IT OFF as a “DIET PUN” and as a "DIET SLOGAN." I don’t care if you spell it: “LAUGH IT OFF!” or “LAUGH-IT-OFF”, or if you spell it upside down and backwards!!!

HASTA LA PASTA, (or HASTA LA PEPTO, whichever comes first)

DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis."

WORST-CASE SCENARIO:

DIET HUMOR WEBSITE: danworona.50megs.com

If for some reason my lifelong collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can.

Who loses? Not me! YOU DO!!! BIG-TIME!!!

Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it.

Do you want to enjoy my humongous DIET HUMOR sayings collection?

You will when I am published!!!

SEEKING LITERARY AGENT AND PUBLISHER: Please e-mail me if you can help.

LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

[Gotta go, buffalo.]

KIDS CROSS RIDDLE:

Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?

A: A pie-thon!

THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

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The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

RE: E-MAILING DAN WORONA.

PLEASE BE ADVISED: My website E-mail link (50MEGS server) is broken.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

If you want to contact me, YOU WILL HAVE TO TYPE MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IN MANUALLY. (or do a COPY & PASTE)

My E-mail address is: “dworona@yahoo.com” without the quotes.