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Over 100,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, CHOCOLATE HUMOR, CHOCOLATE JOKES, CHOCOLATE PUNS, and CHOCOLATE QUOTES: a 50-year plus collection compiled by DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").
New! * CHOCOHOLIC by Mary Doerr *************************** CHOCOHOLIC, CHOCOHOLIC 2X4 * I CAN'T SQUEEZE THROUGH THE KITCHEN DOOR. * I CAN'T EAT JUST ONE PIECE I ALWAYS WANT MORE. * I CAN'T SEE MY FEET I CAN'T SEE THE FLOOR. THERE'S NOT ENOUGH GAS TO GET ME TO THE STORE. EEEEEEEEEK!!! I'M A CHOCOLATE FREAK!!! * by MARY DOERR HUNGRY FOR SOME CHOCOLATE HUMOR?
12. IN HEAVEN, CHOCOLATE HAS NO CALORIES AND IS SERVED AS THE MAIN COURSE. 13. THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE CHOCOLATE.
Please include the words DIET HUMOR or CHOCOLATE HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread. NOTE: If this "HOT"/active link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service.)
B: SQUARE SWEETS MAKE BIG SEATS. --Daniel Worona Do you have a CHOCOLATE SAYING you would like to share? Please include the words CHOCOLATE HUMOR in the Subject line, ortherwise it will be deleted and unread. 45. ROMANCE: THE FIRST KISS!!! DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST KISS. IT WAS A CHOCOLATE KISS. (I was only five years old for Pete's sake!) Copyright 1949 by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").
MY INIMITABLE DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKE, CHOCOLATE HUMOR AND CHOCOLATE JOKE COLLECTION IS SECOND TO NONE. MY GUARANTEE: NO ONE IN THE WORLD CAN COME EVEN CLOSE TO DUPLICATING IT!!! IT CONTAINS MORE THAN 100,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, CHOCOLATE HUMOR AND CHOCOLATE JOKES. NO ONE, MYSELF INCLUDED, CAN MATCH IT! IF I HAD TO START FROM SCRATCH TOMORROW, I COULD NOT DUPLICATE THIS INIMITABLE COLLETION. THIS COLLECTION INCLUDES THOUSAND'S OF ORIGINAL DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET WORD PLAYS AND DIET JOKES BY DANIEL WORONA. LITERARY AGENT WANTED: Please contact me via e-mail. PUBLISHER WANTED: I am seeking a publisher to publish my unique collection. I want to share this DIET HUMOR collection with you. (Publisher please see special FOR PUBLISHERS ONLY link on my FAVORITE LINKS PAGE.) WORD OF MOUTH: Please tell your friends about my DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES, and CHOCOLATE HUMOR Web site. PLEASE E-MAIL ME YOUR COMMENTS, SUGGESTIONS AND DIET AND CHOCOLATE JOKES: dworona@yahoo.com ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY. 1. Exercise is a dirty word... Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. 2. "Las cosas claras y el chocolate espeso." (Ideas should be clear and chocolate thick.) Spanish proverb 3. Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be. 4. I don't understand why so many "so called" chocolate lovers complain about the calories in chocolate, when all true chocoholics know that it is a vegetable. It comes from the cocoa bean, beans are veggies, 'nuff said. 5. Humor button: PUT THE CHOCOLATE IN THE BAG AND NOBODY GETS HURT. 6. A day without chocolate is a day without sunshine. 7. Life without chocolate is like a beach without water. 8. Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get. Forrest Gump in "Forrest Gump" (1994) 9. In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better. 10. CHOCOLATE: THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS! 11. If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top hose. An entire garment industry would be devasated. 12. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. 13.Chocolate doesn't make the world go around ... but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile! 14. MONEY TALKS. CHOCOLATE SINGS. 15. IF GOD HAD MEANT US TO BE THIN, HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED CHOCOLATE. 16. IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, HAVE A CHOCOLATE. 17. CHOCOLATE: IT'S NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE. 18. QUILTING IS MY PASSION, BUT CHOCOLATE COMES IN A CLOSE SECOND. 19. CHOCOLATE BARS ARE BETTER THAN GOLD BARS. 20. WHAT CAME FIRST, THE WOMAN OR THE CHOCOLATE SHOP? 21. MAN CANNOT LIVE ON CHOCOLATE ALONE; BUT WOMEN SURE CAN. 22. YIELD NOT TO CHOCOLATE TEMPTATION Chocolate Sensation, Sweet Temptation. Resistance is vain, Causes such pain. Eat the lot, Temptation gone. -Daniel L. Worona (version) (Love them peanut M&M's and Reese's Pieces): 1. How do you know when some bozo has been making chocolate chip cookies? You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.. 2. CHOCOLATE CANDY BARS Chocolate is a vegetable. Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. |
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CHOCOLATE NUTrition advice: DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE, DOUBLE YOUR FUN, EAT TWO BOXES OF CHOCOLATE INSTEAD OF JUST ONE. (And you'll probably double your weight, too.) THERE ARE FOUR BASIC FOOD GROUPS: MILK CHOCOLATE, DARK CHOCOLATE, WHITE CHOCOLATE, AND CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES. DIGITAL CHOCOLATE IS CALORIE-FREE, TASTE-FREE AND FUN-FREE. (Give me the REAL DEAL!) --Daniel Worona IF IT AIN'T CHOCOLATE, IT AIN'T BREAKFAST!A LITTLE TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE IS JUST ABOUT RIGHT. If you steal (er- I mean borrow) these quotes, at least have the decency to give Daniel L. Worona his due credit.
FUNNY BOOK TITLES: THE CHOCOLATE BAR by KEN I. HAVESUM |
CHOCOLATE: HERE TODAY...GONE TODAY!
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1. THERE'S A THIN PERSON INSIDE OF ME SCREAMING TO GET OUT, BUT I KEEP HER SEDATED WITH CHOCOLATE. 2. CHOCOLATE JOKE: Plump lady to the waitress: "I would like to have DEATH BY CHOCOLATE for dessert, but only enough to put me in critical condition. 3. I MUST BE ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE. EVERY TIME I EAT IT, I BREAK OUT IN FAT ALL OVER. --Daniel Worona 4. Chocolate joke: YOU KNOW YOUR DIET IS IN TROUBLE WHEN YOU COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND CHOCOLATE IS ALWAYS THE FIRST ONE. --Daniel Worona 5. CHOCOLATE IS MY KRYPTONITE. --Daniel Worona.
6. NOBODY KNOWS THE TRUFFLES I'VE SEEN. |
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7. CHOCOLATE PUN: CHOCOLATE IS FATTEST-THIGHING. 8. Bumper sticker: IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING. |
LET'S CHOCOLATE OUR BLUES AWAY!
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9. FIRST YOU CONSUME CHOCOLATE, THEN CHOCOLATE CONSUMES YOU. 11. REMEMBER: DIETING IS NO PIECE OF (CHOCOLATE) CAKE. 12. CHOCOLATE TONGUE TWISTER: A CHEEKY CHIMP CHUCKED CHEAP CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN THE CHEAP CHOCOLATE CHIP SHOP. I need YOUR help!!!
"WOR" GOES TO WAR OVER DIET HUMOR!!!
DECLARATION OF "WOR"
Sad but true: I will continue to add DIET & CHOCOLATE HUMOR to this Web site, but I will no longer be adding the "best of the best" DIET HUMOR or CHOCOLATE HUMOR to this Web site until my full DIET HUMOR and CHOCOLATE HUMOR collection of more than 100,000 sayings is properly published in book form. I am tired of having my material "ripped off."
If you can help me to get published or offer a suggestion, please e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com
Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread. NOTE: If this "HOT" / active e-mail link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service. COPYRIGHT 1949-2009 Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird"). |
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THERE IS NO CHOCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO QUIT.
Dear Friends, I am an ethnologist, and have enjoyed more than fifty years of collecting humor (both in English and Spanish), and now I want to share my inimitable collections with the world. Can you help me find a literary agent and/or publisher? PUBLISHERS, LITERARY AGENTS, TELEVISION, MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS: please see my FAVORITE LINKS PAGE for more detailed information. I have special links with more detailed information. Why do I need a publisher?: Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world. My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing. And, besides, IF I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING, I'D BE DANGEROUS!!! HOT STUFF!!!! DON'T READ THIS!!! DANIEL WORONA TELLS ALL!!! DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST KISS. IT WAS A CHOCOLATE KISS. (I was only five years old for Pete's sake!) Copyright 1949 by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird"). CHOCOLATE QUIPS AND QUOTES And Above All Think Chocolate! -"Betty Crocker" Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment. -Anonymous Stress wouldn’t be so hard to take if it were chocolate covered. -Anonymous Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays. -John Milton, The Devils Advocate There’s more to life than chocolate, but not right now. -Anonymous Other things are just food. But chocolate’s chocolate. Chocolate makes everyone smile-even bankers. -Chocolatier Benneville Strohecker If any of the above chocolate sayings, jokes, puns, quotes, chocolate recipes or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. MORE THAN 100,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES: a collection of 50-plus years compiled by DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis." Plus-plus thousand's of ORIGINAL diet humor sayings, jokes and quotes by Daniel L. Worona (most of which has never been published). IMAGE CREDITS AND DISCLAIMER: If any of the images or sayings on this Web site are in violation of copyright, I will remove them immediately or give the proper credit. NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT: If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit. You may borrow up to a maximum of fifteen (15) sayings from Daniel L. Worona’s DIET HUMOR Web site for your Web site PROVIDED you attach an active link back to this Web site: (danworona.50megs.com).
Please note: NINETY-NINE POINT FIVE PERCENT (99.5%) OF DANIEL L. WORONA’S DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!! No one can even come close to duplicating Daniel L. Worona’s 50-year plus DIET HUMOR & CHOCOLATE collection. DECLARATION OF "WOR"!!! As of May 5, 2006 I will no longer add DIET HUMOR or CHOCOLATE HUMOR to this Web site until my full DIET HUMOR and CHOCOLATE HUMOR collection of more than 98,000 sayings is properly published in book form. DONE CHANGED MY MIND: As of February 29, 2008 I will continue to add DIET HUMOR to this Web site, however, I will not be posting the "PRIMO", or "THE BEST OF THE BEST" of my more than 50-year DIET HUMOR collection. I am saving the "CREME DE LA CREME" of my DIET HUMOR collection for when my DIET HUMOR collection is published in book form. PLEASE HELP ME TO FIND A PUBLISHER.CHOCOLATE Chocolate is what I love to eat The taste of it just can't be beat. I'd rather eat chocolate Than a piece of meat! &&&&&&&&&&& One for the moneyAnd go cat go! By funny lady: Mary Doerr
Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona "Rare Bird" July 1, 2008 At this point it is ME against the world. If you can help me to get published or offer a suggestion, please e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com NOTE: If this "HOT" / active e-mail link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service. COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these diet humor sayings and/or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit. COPYRIGHT 1949-2009 Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" (I made up my first diet / chocolate joke when I was only 5 years old.) NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT: If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit. You may borrow up to a maximum of fifteen (15) sayings from Daniel L. Worona’s DIET HUMOR Web site for your Web site PROVIDED you attach an active link back to this Web site: (danworona.50megs.com).
THANK YOU VERY MUCH: I thank all the kind people out there in cyberspace who have been giving me credit when when they use material from this DIET HUMOR Web site. Daniel Worona WARNING!!!: For those who continue to steal from this DIET HUMOR Web site without giving Daniel Worona proper credit, you will be bombarded with CALORIES and FAT BOMBS.
BAD KARMA WILL GET YA!!! (JUST YOU "WEIGHT"!!!) |
DEALING WITH "MIDDLE MANAGEMENT" --D. W.
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