DIET RIOT

HAVE A BLAST WHILE YOU LAST

PUBLISHER WANTED FOR OVER 100,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES: a 50-year plus collection compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis."

A large portion of this inimitable DIET HUMOR collection has never been published. It includes original material by Daniel Worona (His LAUGH IT OFF DIET, HA-HA DIET and TRY-ANGLE DIET are just a few of his many diet humor diets).

I will add DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES from time to time.
SO PLEASE VISIT OFTEN.

THIS IS A HODGEPODGE PAGE. IT IS NOT ORGANIZED BY SUBJECT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

1. EVERYTHING COMES TO HIM WHO ORDERS HASH.

2. THE BEST THING TO PUT IN AN APPLE PIE IS YOUR TEETH.

3. DARN RIGHT I'M GOOD IN THE KITCHEN. I CAN EAT FOR HOURS.

4. CHOCOLATE: A CANDY THAT GOES BETWEEN THE LIPS AND LANDS ON THE HIPS.

5. DIET RIDDLE:Q: HOW DO YOU DIVIDE 7 POTATOES AMONG FOUR PEOPLE?
A: YOU MASH THEM.

6. THE FIRST THING DIETERS LOSE IS A SENSE OF HUMOR.

7. BOOST THE ECONOMY. QUIT DIETING AND BUY LARGER CLOTHES.

8. WAKE ME UP WHEN I AM A SIZE 6.

9. IS RED MEAT BAD FOR YOU?

THAT'S A VERY MEATY QUESTION AND I WILL GIVE IT A VERY MEATY ANSWER: BALONEY! (GREEN MEAT IS BAD FOR YOU.) --Daniel Worona

10. Weight loss advice by Daniel Worona:
WALKING IS A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

11.THE OLDER YOU GET, THE BETTER YOU GET.
(UNLESS YOUR ARE A BANANA.)

12. Joke song title: DOES YOUR PESTO LOSE ITS ZESTO IN THE COOLERATOR OVER NIGHT?

13. A FAT WISH: HEAVEN IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN EAT AND EAT AND NOT GET FAT.
--Daniel Worona's fat fantasy "Great Googly Moogly!"

14. DIETER'S PRAYER: LORD, PLEASE HELP THOSE WHO KEEP HELPING THEMSELVES.

More than 98,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES (much of it original material by yours truly). This is a 50-year plus collection compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis." Please copy this Web site address down so you will remember it: DANWORONA.50MEGS.COM (All lower case, please.)

DIET HUMOR ONE-LINERS:
1. Here is a GRATE PUN by Daniel Worona: BARBECUING IS GRATE FUN!

2. YOU KNOW YOU ARE DIETING WHEN POSTAGE STAMPS TASTE GOOD.

3. Joke exercise book: I'LL WHIP YOU INTO SHAPE!By S&M

4. Sign in a toy store.
DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS.
THEY ARE ALREADY STUFFED.

5. IF EVERYTHING THAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN, WHEN AM I GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT?
--Daniel Worona

6. YOU'RE SO PLUMP THAT WHEN YOU WENT TO THE ZOO, THE HIPPOS GOT JEALOUS.

CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS:

1. CANDY JOKE FOR KIDS:
Q: WHAT COUNTRY DID CANDY COME FROM?
A: SWEETEN.

2. CHOCOLATE JOKE FOR KIDS:
Q: WHY DID THE COW EAT A CHOCOLATE BAR?
A: BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO MAKE CHOCOLATE MILK.

More than 98,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, DIET RIDDLES, DIET PUNS, SKINNY JOKES, EXERCISE AND FITNESS HUMOR and original DIET HUMOR: a 50-year plus collection compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis."

MORE CHOKE ON YOUR TWINKIE DIET HUMOR AHEAD, PLEASE CONTINUE.
Please copy this Web site down so you will remember it: DANWORONA.50MEGS.COM (All lower case, please.)
(And please tell your friends about my DIET HUMOR Web site. Think of all the calories you will burn up by telling your friends.)

WHITTLE YOUR MIDDLE

SHE WILL NEVER TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY UNLESS SHE TAKES A LOT OF HER BREADTH AWAY.

NEW YORK NEWS FLASH: THE ITALIAN DELI WAS MOBBED.

Please e-mail me a diet joke or two: dworona@yahoo.com

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

(If this "HOT"/active e-mail link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service.)

Chris P. Bacon sez: GOBBLE 'TIL YOU WOBBLE

Some "LITE"/LIGHT LAUGHTER: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. (Jest kidding.)

1. ANGELS CAN FLY BECAUSE THEY TAKE THEMSELVES LIGHTLY.

2. WORDPLAY by Daniel Worona:
THINKING... THIN KING.

3. WORDPLAY: VEGETARIANS TASTE BETTER.

DIET PRAYER

Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.

"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated

And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney,

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won,
Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
And of pasta a la Milanese
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.

Amen

INDD: INTERNATIONAL NO DIET DAY (MAY 6th)

SIZE-POSITIVE HUMOR SLOGANS:

1. SCALES ARE FOR FISH, NOT PEOPLE.

2. DO IT ANYWEIGH.

3. BORN TO BE WIDE.

HoW To KeEp A HeALthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOPLe iNsAnE:

Q: HoW dO yOu GeT a CoUch PotaTo tO dO SiT-uPs?
A: TapE tHe rEMotE cONtroL tO hIs aNkLeS.
--DaNieL L. WoROnA

50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR BLUBBER
(THE DIETERS NATIONAL ANTHEM)

THE PROBLEM IS NOT INSIDE YOUR HEAD, SHE SAID AGAIN.
THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU'D ONLY JUST BEGIN.
I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR STRUGGLE TO BE THIN.
THERE MUST BE FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR BLUBBER.

SHE SAID IT'S REALLY NOT MY HABIT TO INTRUDE
FURTHERMORE I HOPE MY MEANING WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED.
SO I REPEAT MYSELF, AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUEL,
THERE MUST BE FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR BLUBBER.
FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR BLUBBER.

JUST EAT A LITTLE LESS, BESS; ELIMINATE THE FAT, PAT
IF YOU WANT TO BE THIN, LYNN, JUST LISTEN TO ME.

JUST HOP OFF THE COUCH, RALPH; GO FOR A BIKE, MIKE.
IF YOU WANT TO BE SMALL, PAUL, JUST LISTEN TO ME.

JUST STEP ON THAT BENCH, WENCH; FORGET ABOUT RYE, GUY.
IF YOU WANT TO BE LEAN, JEAN, JUST LISTEN TO ME.

JUST CLIMB UP A HILL, BILL; GO FOR A SKATE, KATE.
IF YOU WANT TO BE SLIM, KIM, JUST LISTEN TO ME.

NOTE: The full version will be given in my DIET HUMOR book. Daniel L. Worona

OVERWEIGHT BLONDE
(My apologies to any blondes reading this.)
A blonde woman is hugely overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly one day, then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 25 pounds.

“Wow! That’s amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde sighed, "Yes, but I’ll tell you, I thought I was going to drop dead that second day.”

“From hunger?” asked the doctor.

“No. From all that skipping.”

INDD: INTERNATIONAL NO DIET DAY (MAY 6th)

SIZE-POSITIVE HUMOR SLOGANS:

1. SCALES ARE FOR FISH, NOT PEOPLE.

2. DO IT ANYWEIGH.

3. BORN TO BE WIDE.

HoW To KeEp A HeALthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOPLe iNsAnE:

Q: HoW dO yOu GeT a CoUch PotaTo tO dO SiT-uPs?
A: TapE tHe rEMotE cONtroL tO hIs aNkLeS.
--DaNieL L. WoROnA

THE HA-HA!, HO-HO! DIET by Daniel L. Worona
Just say NO-NO to YO-YO DIETING,
and say GO-GO to HO-HO DIETING.
So, get off your YA-YA.
It is time to HA-HA!

LAUGH IT OFF DIET, HA-HA DIET, and HA-HA!/HO-HO! DIET
COPYRIGHT 1949-2008 Daniel L. Worona
We all know that Santa invented the "HO-HO DIET", and you should know Daniel L. Worona is the founder of the "HA-HA DIET". Thank you very much.

PUBLISHERS: Anybody can do what I do: collect DIET HUMOR, but nobody can do what I do!!!
(Meaning nobody, I repeat, nobody has the expertise, knowledge, savvy, insight, skills, creativity, or experience that I have in compiling and/or writing original DIET HUMOR.) Braggadocio? No. IT’S A FACT!!!

Please contact me at: dworona@yahoo.com (NOTE: If this “HOT” active e-mail link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service.)

MY GUARANTEE: NO ONE IN THE WORLD CAN COME EVEN CLOSE TO DUPLICATING MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION!!!
IT CONTAINS MORE THAN 98,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS AND DIET JOKES. NO ONE, MYSELF INCLUDED, CAN MATCH IT! IF I HAD TO START FROM SCRATCH TOMORROW, I COULD NOT DUPLICATE THIS INIMITABLE COLLETION. THIS COLLECTION INCLUDES THOUSAND'S OF ORIGINAL DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET WORD PLAYS, AND DIET JOKES BY DANIEL WORONA. (Not to mention his humongous FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR collection.)

PLEASE NOTE:

NINETY-NINE POINT FIVE PERCENT (99.5%) OF DANIEL L. WORONA’S DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!!

No one can even come close to duplicating Daniel L. Worona’s 50-year plus DIET HUMOR collection. It is a ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!!!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these diet humor sayings and/or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.